My Fault
by JerichoSteele
Summary: Sequel to "My Kensi" and "My Deeks" ... I'm hoping that this will stop all of the death threats. It'll help if you read the other two stories first ... and then, just hang on as I try to repair some of the damage I created.
1. Hard Tears

**A/N:** **Okay ... since I screwed up their "Thing" so much in the My Kensi/My Deeks stories and so many of you threatened my life for doing so, I offer you this sequel. It may not be what you want but I did feel bad for the way it all turned out ... I blame it on a terrible childhood that continues to haunt me til this day. Just kidding ... I had a wonderful childhood. Maybe it was too many Mountain Dews ... or maybe it was too much speculation about how the season would end and where it would leave DENSI after the credits rolled.**

**It will take a few chapters to work my way through this, so please be patient in regards to the amount of time between updates.**

**Thanks again and here is my attempt to make peace with all the DENSI fans that I may have upset.**

* * *

**Hard Tears**

Senior Agent Kensi Marie Blye plopped down at her desk while she simultaneously shoved the last of her doughnut into her mouth. The calories didn't bother her, she had just spent the last forty-five minutes wearing out the heavy bag that was still probably swinging back and forth in the gym. She had showered quickly and arrived at her desk just as the Office of Special Projects was coming to life that morning, a few early bird agents giving her polite 'Good Morning' greetings as they passed on their way to their work stations. Kensi nodded in return as she opened her laptop and typed in her password to see if anything exciting had happened overnight.

This was her routine and had been for the past few years. Kensi always came in early, had a good work out, then she would catch up on the news while waiting for her team to come in to start the day. When the day was over, she stayed late, worked out again, then headed to her quiet bungalow where she caught up on her latest DVR recordings before slipping into a, hopefully, dreamless night's sleep.

It wasn't really a routine, more like a cycle ... cycle she felt like she was going to repeat until the day when a bullet would find a seam in her vest or she wouldn't get out of the building before it exploded. She didn't date; romance held no more attraction to her than a plate of fresh broccoli would. Nell's last attempt to set her up with some guy had almost led to bloodshed so that subject was one of those issues that were never spoken of within the halls of the Mission. It was one of the reasons she no longer went to a public gym ... to many times trying to come up with excuses why she couldn't go out with any of the many men who, even at her age, still found her attractive.

Kensi knew she was destined to die with guns blazing ... no one at home waiting for her ... no one to let down ... no one to hurt.

A few moments later, Operations Manager G. Callen strolled in and paused as he passed by the bullpen where his friend was studiously reading the latest national security briefings. He wasn't sure if she had noticed him or not ... of course, she had ... so he just watched his old teammate and close friend as she leaned over her computer and sipped on her coffee. She seemed lost in her thoughts and from the way she was chewing on her lower lip, he knew it wasn't about the latest threat to national security. He was about to say something to maybe snap her out of it and maybe get her to laugh, like she used to when she had a shaggy, blonde-haired partner. Before he could come up with anything suitable, she spoke without actually looking over at him.

"You know, watching someone the way you are could be construed as 'creepy'."

Callen slipped over and stopped just in front of her desk that used to be his. "A wise woman once told me that you can never stop working on your field-craft."

Her left eyebrow quirked up. "And when was the last time you were in the 'field'?"

Callen grinned as he shrugged his shoulders. "Touche."

_Touche. _

It actually stunned Kensi how that one word could bring back such a flood of wonderful memories ... memories of a laid-back surfer who could crack up the team even when the world was exploding around them. There were still times when she could swear she heard his laugh echoing through the Mission or she would catch a glimpse of his messy blonde-hair out of the corner of her eye. It had been years since he gone back to LAPD but the shadows of her old partner were still all around her, and it still made her heart ache for the days of their easy banter and sexy flirtations.

Callen watched as his friend seemed to lose herself for a moment and he felt a little sad, knowing that he had inadvertently triggered a memory. The expression on her face didn't indicate whether it was good or bad ... but the way her eyes slipped to the desk that had once been occupied by an annoying police detective, told him that some memories never truly died.

"Kensi?" No one called her 'Kens' anymore, it always felt like they were using a nickname that had always belonged to one person and one person alone.

When she turned to look back at him, Callen took a moment to wonder what might have happened all those years ago if the female agent had never been sent to Afghanistan in the first place.

"Yeah?" It came out a bit more hesitant than she intended.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

_I'm fine. _

Callen remembered the day that Deeks had left them only a few weeks after the office had found out about Kensi's engagement to Jack. The detective had finished boxing up his personal items from his locker and desk when he had pulled Callen into one of the secluded corners behind the bullpen. The look of pure anguish in the other man's eyes had immediately captured the senior agent's attention as Deeks proceeded to demand that his friend watch after Kensi after he was gone.

_"She'll say she's 'fine' ... and that means she's not." Deeks looked almost desperate._

_"Okay Deeks."_

_This only caused the blonde man to shake his head, his voice stern. "No G., you don't understand. She'll be stubborn and deny it ... but if she says she's 'fine' ... don't believe her ... keep asking ... keep digging ... make sure she's alright."_

_Callen placed a reassuring hand on his friend's shoulder. "You got it Deeks."_

_"Promise me." There were unshed tears in the corners of the shaggy man's eyes. "Promise me that you'll look after her ... keep her safe."_

_The older man squeezed his friend's shoulder firmly, trying to give him some semblance of peace. "We won't let anything happen to her ... promise."_

That memory was so fresh in Callen's mind, it could have happened yesterday and not all those years ago when he watched his team begin to crumble right before his eyes. He was struggling with what to say to Kensi when he saw two of the overnight analysts waiting for him at his desk, the antique one Hetty had left for him when she retired. Kensi turned to follow his line of sight and caught the impatient looks that the techs were sending Callen.

"I guess the bad guys started early today."

Callen let out a long sigh as he stepped around Kensi's desk, but before he went too far he paused and turned back to face her. "Kensi, how about you come over sometime this weekend? Joelle is having a hard time picking out the colors for Mariah's new room and she's getting tired of me saying that whatever she picks will be okay ... I think she could use another woman's perspective."

Kensi glanced up at him for a second before she looked back down at her coffee cup. "I don't know ... "

"Come on Kensi ... you haven't been over since we celebrated Mariah's adoption and that was months ago and Nell and Eric had to practically drag you then." He lowered his head so he could catch her eyes. "Please?"

Kensi knew he meant well, but going out with friends was just getting harder and harder these days ... she was resigned to be alone and she was getting to the point were she had convinced herself that she liked it that way. She made the mistake of looking up at him and the puppy-dog expression on his face made her laugh softly before she could stop herself. The way he was mushing out his lower lip finally broke her resolve.

"Okay, okay ... just please stop with the poor-pitiful look ... it doesn't look good on you."

Callen smiled down at her. "Yeah, but it works every time."

"Shut up."

He side-stepped the punch that was aimed at his right shoulder. "Ha! Missed!" But he hesitated too long when she redirected it to the middle of his thigh. "Ow ... crap ... Charlie horse ... Charlie horse!"

Kensi almost snickered as she watched him dance around in a little circle, other memories threatened to come to her mind but she shut slammed the door on them quickly. "And you want to come back into the field? Ha!"

Callen stopped hopping around, hoping the cramp her punch had triggered would work itself out. Just as he went to speak, a commotion at the top of the stairs caught his attention. Kensi saw the smile on his face falter and she spun in her chair just as a frantic Nell Jones-Beale tore down the stairs, other agents giving her a wide berth.

"Kensi! Kensi!"

At the way her friend was almost screaming her name, Kensi knew something was seriously wrong. Shooting out of her chair, she and Callen both made it to the landing at the bottom of the stairs just as Nell screeched to a halt.

"I can't believe it ... it's horrible ... oh God!" Nell was as white as a ghost.

Callen stepped forward and placed his hands on the petite woman's arms. "Nell! Hey ... calm down ... what happened?"

"It's ... I can't ... "

"Nell ... slow down ... breathe girl ... breathe ... " Kensi stepped in closer and saw the tears beginning to fall down her friend's cheeks. "What's got you so upset?"

Nell slid her hands onto Callen's forearms and closed her eyes as she fought to regain control of her emotions. She blew out a few quick breaths. letting the flush of oxygen into her system help calm her down. It took a few seconds, but she finally relaxed and both of her teammates stepped back a little to give her more room. "I was checking the morning alerts ... like always ... start with Homeland, then CIA, NSA, FBI ... then I skim over the local reports ... when I got to the one for the LAPD ... it was at the top of the list ... "

At the mention of LAPD and her friend's emotional state ... Kensi's heart stopped beating.

"Nell ... is it Deeks?" The mournful look she found in her friend's eyes made her legs begin to give out from under her. "Please ... Nell ... please tell me he's alright ... he can't be ... "

Nell caught Kensi's hand in her own, hoping she could help catch her if she collapsed. "No Kensi ... it's not Deeks."

Kensi's expression shifted to one of total confusion. "I don't understand ... if it isn't Deeks then who ... "

Nell cut her off. "It's Talia."

For a brief moment, Kensi felt her heart begin to beat again. "What are you talking about?"

Callen tugged Nell, who pulled Kensi along with her, toward the bench that sat in the little alcove just around the corner. As soon as they were settled, Nell explained.

"It was in the LAPD official notification page. Last night, Police Academy Instructor Detective Talia Cote Deeks was on her way to a dance recital to meet up with her daughter and husband, LAPD Captain Martin Andrew Deeks when a drunk-driver ran a red light and plowed into her car ... " There were fresh tears on the woman's face when she continued. " ... she died on impact."

"Oh God ... " Kensi felt like her guts had just been ripped out and dragged across the floor.

Callen lowered his head and gently patted Kensi on her back. Even with all that had happened over the years, all the sad changes that occurred after that disaster of that mission in Afghanistan ... they were still family and if one of them was hurting, they all hurt. "Nell, have you told anyone else?"

The woman's shoulders shook as she choked out a soft sob. "No ... Eric knows ... he was with me when I read the report."

"Okay. I'll call Hetty ... last I heard she was somewhere in Thailand." Callen leaned back as he tried to control the sadness that he knew his friend was experiencing at that very moment, knowing that Deeks would need all their support and love to get through this. "Sam's still down at Pendleton ... I'll get him back up here ASAP."

Kensi looked up at her friend, concerned for the way his voice had lost all of its tone. "Callen ... are you okay?"

When he turned his steel-blue eyes on her, she felt the intensity of his words before he even spoke them.

"Deeks is going to need us ... _all_ of us to get through this." Callen nodded his head right at her. "Okay Kensi?"

He didn't have to say anything more. The subject that no one had dared talk about for the past several years but had always hung over them ... was like a slap in Kensi's face. If anyone had confronted her this way before ... they would have ended up squirming in pain on the floor ... but now, she was well aware that the void that Deeks' departure had left when he could no longer compete with Jack, all that rested squarely on her shoulders. And she was finally at a stage when she could put all her guilt and shame aside and do what she needed to do for the man who had done so much for her ... even after she rejected him.

Kensi swallowed hard and wiped a stray tear from her cheek before she spoke. "Whatever I need to do Callen ... for Deeks, I'd do it in a heartbeat."

Knowing he had pushed a little hard on her, Callen nodded quickly before patting her softly on the hand. "Okay ... why don't you and Nell catch your breaths while I make a few calls?"

The two women sniffled and nodded together.

He leaned down and placed a light kiss on the top of each of their heads before he spun and walked quickly over to his desk. Kensi saw him unlock a desk drawer before pulling out a small leather notebook that he flipped through until he found whatever it was he was looking for. It was apparently a phone number, as he was now tapping numbers into his phone. She wanted to know who he was talking too, but he turned away and she could no longer see his lips.

Kensi felt Nell shudder next to her, so she wrapped her arm around her friend and tugged her closer. The smaller woman dropped her head against the brunette's shoulder as she wiped at her eyes and nose. When the younger woman spoke, her voice was sad and soft.

"I can't imagine what Deeks is going through ... I mean, I can't even begin to think how I'd feel if I lost Eric like that ... without getting to say good-bye ... that I love him ... "

That only made Kensi's heart break even more. She knew exactly what that was like. The last moments before she lost her father had been filled with angry words ... no good-byes ... no I love you's ... and that was something she had struggled for years to resolve in her own mind and heart. She could only have hope that he had forgiven her, that his last thoughts had been of her and of the love that a father would always have for his daughter ... no matter the damage a brief moment of anger could cause.

Of course, it had been her own shaggy-haired partner that had helped her deal with those regrets when she had finally taken him on her annual trip to visit her father's grave. Deeks had given her space, letting her spend a few moments to silently grieve over her loss, but then he had placed a comforting hand low on her back and spoke of how proud her father would be of her ... of how a father's love for his daughter couldn't be dimmed by a trivial thing like a silly argument over staying out late with friends. She had turned and buried her face in his chest and he had gently held her while she cried. Her partner ... her friend ... her _Deeks ... _had comforted her at her father's graveside and helped her see that even though he was gone, Donald Blye would always be with her.

Now, with an overwhelming loss, her Deeks would need her to help comfort him.

Nell shifted slighty beside her, pulling Kensi from her memories. The brunette gave her friend's hand a gentle squeeze. "When was the last time you saw Deeks?"

The little red-head smiled softly even though there was still tears in her eyes. "A few weeks ago ... I got Eric a new board for his birthday; we met Deeks at the beach and he helped my husband 'break it in'."

Kensi frowned slightly, remembering a forgotten birthday that she felt she never fully atoned for.

"How was he?" The question slipped out before she realized she was evening thinking about asking.

Nell turned her eyes up to Kensi's, looking for the reason behind the question. "He was good ... talked about Anna starting Karate class ... about Talia's plans to renovate their kitchen this summer ... then he started with the 'Sex Wax' jokes and before long, I was laughing so hard ... I was crying."

Kensi let her heart think back to all the times 'Sex Wax' plus Deeks had equaled some incredibly silly comments ... ones that she had missed more than she realized. "Yeah ... he always had a way of taking a simple thing and turning it into something vulgar ... "

" ... and funny." Nell wiped at the corners of her eyes

Sadly, Kensi felt the familiar pang of regret trickle through her. "Yeah ... funny."

"He asked about you ... wanted to know how you were doing."

That caught Kensi by surprise. "What did you tell him?"

Nell turned her eyes and gave her friend a peculiar look. "I lied and told him you were _fine_."

With that statement, that conversation thread died right there. Neither of them were ready to take it any further.

After a few quiet moments, the smaller woman slumped against her friend. "God Kensi! This is going to devastate him ... I mean, Talia was his life ... he loved her so much ... and little Anna ... she's lost her mother ... "

Nell seemed lost in her thoughts and the words that were tumbling from her mouth. Her concern over her former teammate was causing her to miss how what she was saying was affecting Kensi. "I mean, Deeks was so happy to have a family of his own ... I never thought I would see him smile again after you ran ... " Nell's felt the woman beside her stiffen and the words died on her lips.

_After you ran._

"Oh ... Kensi ... I'm sorry ... I didn't mean to bring up the past ... "

Kensi shook her head gently. "No ... it's okay Nell." It was something they never talked about but it had always been hidden in sad looks and silent expressions. The last time the subject had some up had been when Nell was helping Kensi with her wedding invitations and Nell was shocked to find Deeks name on the list, even when he had been gone from NCIS for months. During that time, Kensi wasn't sure if she had done it out of a sense of duty to include her former teammate in what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life ... or if it was a moment of lashing out at him once more for always sticking by her side and looking out for her ... even when she was pushing him away. When she thought about it now ... she still wasn't sure.

"I'm fully aware of how much I screwed things up back then ... no need to beat yourself up about it."

"Still ... I'm sorry."

Wrapping an arm around the smaller woman, Kensi gave her a soft hug. "You shouldn't be ... it wasn't your fault ... that was all on me and my stupid need to be right and fix everything that went wrong with me and Jack the first time around." She let out a long sigh before speaking so softly, Nell almost didn't hear her. "And you're right ... I ran ... I ran from everything after Afghanistan ... and I ran from Marty and all that we could have been."

"And Jack?"

The laugh-snort that came from Kensi's mouth had no trace of humor in it ... only regret. "Jack was my chance to show the world that Kensi Marie Blye didn't fail at anything ... I felt like I had been given a second chance to prove that to myself and to everyone else."

They sat in silence on the little bench as several agents and analysts walked by, giving the two women curious glances but also leaving them their space in what was obviously a very private moment. It was Nell who finally broke the quiet with a simple question.

"When was the last time you saw him?"

"Jack?"

Nell shook her head at how her kick-ass friend could be a total doofus sometimes. "Noooo ... _Deeks_."

"Oh." She had hoped that the conversation would tread there, but at that moment in time, Kensi felt like maybe she could actually talk about her old partner without feeling like total crap about it. "Uh ... it was about a year ago ... some of your cohorts up in operations drug me to the beach."

"Tasha?"

"Along with Katherine and Hannah."

Nell chuckled lightly. "I think I remember that ... they all came in on Monday talking about how you had bumped into some gorgeous surfer dude and his family."

"Yeah ... I got to meet Talia and little Anna that day too."

"I remember it because the girls kept going on about how much it seemed to upset you ... how when they tried to bring it up later ... you exploded and yelled at them to mind their own damn business."

Kensi lowered her head, shame at that outburst from so long ago. "They were being generous ... I think I may have even threatened their lives at one point."

Nell gave a simple 'hmmm' before leaning forward to the edge of the bench, taking a moment to look down at the floor before she spoke. "I wanted to ask but never had the guts ... but Kensi ... why did that get to you so much? I mean, you sulked around here for weeks after that weekend."

Her normal reaction would have been to stomp off and then mope for days, but her emotions were still raw from the news of Talia's death and Kensi just didn't feel up to lying to her friend any more.

"Sometimes ... sometimes you don't realize what you have until you lose it." She wiped away another tear that had slipped down her cheek. "When I saw Deeks and his family together on that beach ... I was so mad that it wasn't me with him ... I wanted that little girl to be ours ... I wanted to punch Talia in the face for just touching him ... I wanted to hate Deeks so much for moving on ... finding his happiness when I was alone ... "

After a few awkward seconds, she continued. "But it wasn't his fault ... it was me ... it had always been me, I'm the one who pushed him away. Even when we were just starting out as partners ... then as friends ... even after we became lovers ... I always kept one foot out the door, ready to run at the first hint of betrayal on his part."

Nell softly patted her friend's knee. "I'm sorry Kensi ... I didn't mean to upset you."

"No Nell ... I think I've been upset ever since I came back from Afghanistan ... I couldn't move forward, I was stuck in the past ... and Deeks was ... he was in my future and I couldn't deal with that ... "

Whatever she was going to say just died in her thoughts and they slipped back into a calm silence. The two of them held onto each other, both comforting and being comforted just by the other's presence. After several moments, Nell sniffled loudly and pulled herself away from Kensi, tugging lightly on her hand.

"Come on, let's find out if they've posted any more information about the accident ... and then we'll take it from there, okay?"

Kensi stood along with her friend, amazed at how resilient Nell Jones-Beale could be when everyone else around her was falling apart. "Okay Nell ... and thanks."

"Come on ... I'm sure Eric has some news and we'll see what we can do to help Deeks."

Kensi followed her friend up the steps to operations, wondering what in the world what any of them could be able to do to help someone who had just lost their spouse. All the times that Deeks had made them laugh when some darkness had threatened their little family came rushing into her mind and it almost overwhelmed Kensi as she reached the top of the stairs. What could she possibly do for the man who had once been her everything but was now not much more than sweet memories and sad regrets?

_Even if you don't see me ... I'll be there._

That was it.

The purpose fell on her shoulders like a heavy weight. He had always had her back ... always protected her ... Hell, he even supported her when she was marrying another man.

Now.

Finally.

She would try to repay the debt that she owed him. They were no longer lovers or co-workers ... but deep down. Kensi knew that somehow, Deeks had always been her friend ... it was about damn time she started being one in return. So, in his time of need, she would stand shoulder to shoulder with the others ... she would finally have his back ... just like he had always had hers.

_I'll be there._

_..._

**A/N: **

**Shall I continue or should I just burn this now? **

**There's a little box at the bottom of the page where you can leave your thoughts. And please, whoever keeps mailing me dead cats, you can stop now ... I get the message and I'm running out of places to bury them in the back yard.**

**On a personal note: If you are following my other stories (Aunt Hetty and The Broken Road), I apologize for the long wait for updates. My mother was recently diagnosed with aggressive and advanced stomach/pancreatic cancer with a poor prognosis from her doctors. I live four hours away from her and my brother, niece and I are rotating staying with her now that she needs 24/7 care. This has brought a huge amount of emotional stress and strain on my family that is taking all of my focus at the moment and traveling back and forth is just wearing me out. I lost my desire to write anything for a time and am just now getting the strength to start-up again. This little story seems to be therapeutic for me and it's helping me work out some of the emotions that have been plaguing me over the past few weeks. Thank you all so much for your understanding and support while I work all of this out. I will try to update as much and as often as I can, but right now, there are other things that are taking priority. I love to write but it will have to take a back seat when it comes to caring for my family.**

**Semper Fi**

**JS**


	2. Something Unpredictable

**A/N: To all who have been patiently waiting for an update for this or any of my other stories, I am sorry for the long wait. Traveling back and forth to help take care of my mother really took a lot out of me and writing just fell to the back-burner for a little while. To those who have sent your thoughts, prayers and well wishes ... THANK YOU! ... I will never be able to repay the debt I owe you guys. **

**Sadly, on the morning of Tuesday, June 10th, my mom went to sleep and never regained consciousness. She was surrounded by family and loved ones when her soul left her body; she left this world peacefully and that has been a comfort to all of us. Again, to all of you ... I have been humbled by your compassion and support ... I will never forget that.**

**As a small "Thank You" to all of you who sent your prayers, wishes and thoughts to me and my family, I am posting updates for 'Aunt Hetty', 'The Broken Road', and 'My Fault' all on the same day.**

...

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**Something Unpredictable**

Despair.

Anguish.

Numbness.

If anyone asked Marty Deeks what he was feeling at that moment ... he would have used one or more of those three words. The moment his commander had intercepted him on the parking lot where his daughter's recital was taking place, he knew the news wasn't good. When the on-call police department chaplain stepped out from the unmarked sedan, Martin Andrew Deeks' world came to a screeching halt.

He remembered hearing the words that told him his wife was dead, but it was like he was stuck in a silent movie ... the commander's mouth and lips were moving and he knew the words he was saying, but all sound was gone. The chaplain placed a comforting arm around his shoulders but Deeks felt nothing. For a few moments the men just stood there, it wasn't until Deeks realized that he was going to have to tell his daughter that her mommy wasn't going to be able to meet them later for ice cream, that she wasn't coming home that night ... or any other night ... that's when his knees gave out and he collapsed into his boss's arms. The commander and chaplain did their best to console the broken man between them, but they were almost overcome by his choked sobs.

Then there were others, members of his team and Talia's, all around him ... hugging him and offering words of strength and comfort. Someone said they had already notified Talia's parents down in Mexico and they were already on their way. Others teammates had gone to collect Anna from the 'after recital' party in her classroom, knowing that the little girl would need her entire extended family around her when her father told her the tragic news.

Deeks had just managed to pull himself together when two trusted female members of Talia's unit escorted little Anna to where her father was waiting. The two women had remained stoic, not letting their own pain overcome their concern over the little one in their charge. They handed the confused girl over to him and then helped escort everyone else out of the area so a father could do his best to tell a little girl the worst news she could ever hear.

Taking her little hand in his, Deeks tugged his daughter toward a small garden that rested in the schools small courtyard. He was desperately praying that he would somehow find the right words when little Anna spoke first.

"Daddy?"

He swallowed his tears and answered as calmly as he could. "Yes, Munchkin?"

"Why are all those people here? Did they come for my recital?"

"Uh ... no, they came to help Daddy with something."

Anna pulled her father toward the small reflecting pool that had a statue of little children reading books at its center. "Are you alright Daddy?"

It took all of Deeks' self-control to hold it together for just a little while longer. "No ... little one ... Daddy's not okay."

The little girl turned her beautiful brown eyes up to lock on his Pacific blue ones. "Something happened to mommy, didn't it?"

The tears fell from his eyes and no force on earth could stop them. "I'm afraid so baby."

The little girl's bottom lip curled out and started to tremble. "Is mommy going to be okay?"

Deeks plopped down on the edge of the stone water fountain and tugged his daughter into his lap. When he buried his head in her dark curls, he could smell the faint scent of Talia's perfume in her hair. He pressed his forehead against the top of her head, and prepared his heart for what he had to tell his little girl.

"No Munchkin ... Mommy's not going to be okay ... "

He felt her small body begin to quiver in his arms and he would have given anything to wake up from the nightmare he was in. Her little hands twisted into the fabric of his shirt and he heard her almost silent sniffles. "She's in Heaven, isn't she?"

"Yeah baby ... she is."

When she spoke again, she sounded so lost. "That's were Mister Sparkles is."

Mr. Sparkles had been Anna's first goldfish ... and her first experience with death. There had been a full funeral with a cloth napkin, an old cigar box and a quiet ceremony in the corner of Talia's rose garden. That had been a hard day, as both parents tried to explain exactly what it meant when someone went to heaven ... and wouldn't be coming back.

"Will Mommy take care of him for me?"

A slight smile formed on his face. "I'm sure she will little one, I'm sure she will."

He held her tight as her little body lost itself in his arms, her chest quivering as the tears fell from her cheeks. Knowing there was nothing to say to ease her pain or fully explain why the fates had decided to break his little family, Martin Deeks just held his little girl and allowed his own tears to fall like the drops of water in the fountain's spray.

...

It was hours later that Deeks found himself back at his house, the rest of the night passing by in a blur. There were still some close friends with him, most of them still in as much shock as he was. They were giving him his space, only checking to make sure he had some water or juice ... they had long ago given up trying to get him to eat something. The next door neighbor Erica and her teenaged daughter, Alana, who would sometimes baby sit Anna, were up in the little girl's room where she had finally cried herself into an exhausted sleep.

Deeks was wondering how in the world he would ever sleep again. Talia had always brought him peace ... and now she was gone.

Gone.

There hadn't been any chance to say 'good bye'. No time to prepare himself or their daughter for the loss. No opportunity to apologize for forgetting to pick up her dry cleaning or taking out the trash.

There was only one small solace he could think of at that moment. Years ago, he and Talia had promised each other, that no matter what ... whenever they parted ... wherever they were going ... whether they would be apart for a few minutes or a few hours ... they would always part by telling each other "I love you".

_"I love you Marty."_

Those were the last words she spoke to him over her cell phone as she called to let him know she was indeed getting off work early enough to make it to Anna's dance recital. He had responded in kind ... but now he wished he had said more ... or told her not to hurry ...or to take the long way to the school ... or to just stay at the office. Maybe then, the three of them would just be arriving home together, left over ice cream in his wife's hands and his daughter asleep on his shoulder.

_"I love you Talia."_

Those thoughts caused his hands to begin to shake and he had to put his water-glass on the coffee table before he spilled it. He sat back in his favorite chair and ran his hands through his hair, hoping against hope that Talia would jump out from the closet and apologize profusely for the horrible practical joke that she had played on him. He would forgive her in an instant for the soul retching anguish he was going through, if he could just kiss her one more time. But the door to the closet stayed closed and his wife remained dead down at the mortuary that had claimed her body from the medical examiner's office.

It all seemed so surreal at the moment, like he would just turn around and there she would be; her long dark hair falling over her shoulders as she beckoned him to come to her. Turning his head to the right, his eyes found the wall in the living room that contained a huge chunk of their family photos. There were pictures of the three of them at the beach, smiling on his surfboard, lounging in the back yard, dressed to the nines in posed shots and laughing together when whoever took the shot caught them by surprise. As his eyes roamed over the smiling faces of his wife and daughter, the stark reality of the devastating change his family had suddenly undergone came crashing into his conscious mind. The pictures on the wall became more valuable to him than if they were encased in gold as more memories continued to tumble through his mind.

Just as fresh tears began to trickle down his cheeks, there was some movement over near the front door and he turned his head slightly to see what it was. He watched as his assistant from the police academy, Mariah, walked over and intercepted the small group of people who were just coming through the door. Mariah had been hovering around him since he and Anna arrived home, insuring that none of the visitors and coworkers upset Deeks any more than he already was. She was a good woman; she and her husband some of the closest friends the Deeks family ever had. He heard her politely ask who they were and when the blonde man heard them answer, he was out of his seat in an instant.

He had only taken two steps from his chair when Sam Hanna stepped around the protective Mariah and wrapped his thick arms around his body. "Deeks ... oh God buddy ... I'm so sorry."

The way the big man's words sounded so painful and sad, Deeks felt the knot in his throat grow even bigger. "S ... S ... Sam ... " And he lost himself in his friend's strong embrace, taking huge comfort in the stalwart strength the SEAL was offering.

Deeks felt Sam's arms relax and then release him, only for Callen to step up and embrace him as well. "Hey Deeks, I can't believe this happened ... I'm so, so sorry."

"Thanks G. ... glad you guys are here." Deeks' voice was regaining some of its strength and he did actually feel somewhat better, knowing that his 'other' law enforcement family was there. He barely had time to notice that Callen had stepped back when a red-headed pixie literally jumped into his arms.

Nell tried to reign in her heartbreak at the news but once she actually saw Deeks, the floodgates of her emotions finally burst. As she buried her head in her friend's neck, her tears quickly soaked his shirt and he could barely make out her words over her sobs. "Deeks ... Deeks ... I'm so sorry ... I'm so sorry ... "

"Shhhh Velma ... shhhh ... " Deeks felt himself trying to comfort his friend. Despite the agony he was feeling himself, seeing his friend so distraught actually caused his heart to break just a little more. "It's okay Nell ... "

Her words were soft as she barely whispered near his ear. "How can you say that ... oh God Deeks ... Talia ... "

He buried his face in her hair and it was all he could do not to break down once more. "I know Nell ... she's gone. "

Nell's arms tightened even more around his neck, to the point it was almost painful, but Deeks paid it no attention as he rocked her slowly back and forth, swaying gently in the middle of his living room floor. He felt a firm hand land on his other shoulder and turned his head enough to see Eric step up and wrap his arms around both his wife and his close friend. "Hey Deeks ... we're here ... whatever you need ... you won't even have to ask."

Deeks pulled one arm from around Nell's back and tugged Eric into his other side. "Thanks man ... thank you so much."

They stayed that way for a few moments, then Nell shifted between them. "Where's Anna? How's she doing?"

"She's upstairs ... we finally got her to fall asleep ... she was so worn out."

Nell slipped her left arm around her husband's waist and leaned back so she could look up at Deeks. "And how are you?"

The familiar smile formed on his face, but it was devoid of any humor or the usual spirit of happiness that had defined Martin Deeks from the very first time she met him. "Uh ... well, I'm hanging in there ... it all seems so unreal at the moment ... I just ... I ... uh ... "

"Marty ... "

A new voice fell on his ears, a voice he would know anywhere but one that he hadn't heard in a very long time. Nell and Eric heard it as well and they both stepped from in front of him so that he could turn in the direction the voice had come from. The tall blonde turned slightly toward the front door and caught sight of the woman who, at one time, had been his only reason for existing.

Even though she knew she had to be there for him and his little girl, when they had arrived at the Deeks' household, Kensi suddenly felt like she had no business being there and that her old partner might feel the same way. She allowed all the others to go in ahead of her as she hung back, trying to gauge if she should go on in or if she should head out and wait in Eric and Nell's car. Watching the emotional embraces from Sam, Callen and then Nell and Eric brought even more tears to her mismatched eyes.

There were a ton of things she regretted from her actions in the past ... one of the biggest was losing the man who had always been her best friend. It pained her that the others still shared part of Deeks' life with him. From Eric and Nell's surfing trips, the basketball or hockey games out with Callen, to hearing how Sam and Michelle would babysit little Anna on occasion ... that left Kensi feeling like somewhat of an outsider in her little family and that only added to the emotional storm inside her.

Seeing her former partner ... friend ... lover ... so broken, nearly brought her to her knees.

"Kensi?"

He had never said her name quite like that. The closest had been back in a smelly body shop and he had bruises on his face with blood dripping from his mouth. He sounded so alone and sacred at that moment, and she had sworn that if it was in her power, he would never sound like that again.

But here he was ... here she was ... and he sounded like a man that was utterly broken and defeated.

And Kensi's heart shattered into a million tiny pieces at his choked sob. "God Kensi ... I lost her ... I lost my Talia ... "

In three quick strides, she was directly in front of him and her arms encircled around his as he lowered his head to her shoulder, the words continuing to fall in between the shudders of his chest. "Talia ... I lost her ... "

"Shhhhh ... Marty ... shhhh ... I've got you ... shhhhh ... " Kensi could barely speak herself, her own tears burning in her eyes and dripping down her cheeks. She felt his arms come up to wrap around her waist and his body weight begin to fall heavily on her and she knew he was losing what strength he had left. A quick flash of panic filled her as she realized she wouldn't be able to fully hold him up, but just as she was about to call out for some help, she found herself and Deeks enveloped in the supporting arms of the rest of her teammates.

Callen and Sam were keeping an eye on Deeks, knowing he was very close to losing his emotional control, wondering what effect Kensi's presence would have on him. They watched in amazement at the reunion of the former partners, but when they saw the man's body begin to collapse, they stepped forward along with Eric and Nell, catching him just as his legs began to buckle.

The other people in the house watched in silent reverence as the small group of people slipped to their knees in the center of the floor, supporting their friend with their bodies and arms. Deeks was in the center of the little huddle, his head buried in the tall brunette's shoulder, one of her hands running over his back in a comforting gesture, the other holding his head firmly against her neck. The smaller blonde man and the little redhead had almost disappeared from sight as the big black man and his friend had wrapped themselves around the outside of the little group, cementing them in place. No one was sure if the little group was trembling because of the heartbroken sobs of the man in the center or if was from the degree of pain they were experiencing themselves. All they did know was that the little group apparently shared a bond forged in the furnace of adversity and right now, here they were ... once again clinging to each other through another dark time.

Kensi pulled her old partner close against her, thankful that he hadn't pushed her away or turned down her offer of comfort. Her face was wet with her own tears and her shoulder was soaked with his ... and she knew there was absolutely nothing she could do to lessen the anguish he was experiencing at that very moment. If she could, she would take it all away, even take it upon herself ... Deeks didn't deserve this. If anyone she knew deserved the 'Happily Ever After', it had been him. Now, his little family was broken and hurting ... her own powerlessness to change that frustrating her soul to the point of anger.

She could feel the press of her friends' bodies around her and she was eternally grateful that they were all there together. Deeks was going to need all of them in order to survive this devastating blow and she was going to do her damnedest to do whatever she could to help. Laying her head on top of his, the smell of the sea and what was probably a bit of Talia's perfume filled her nostrils and it only made her squeeze him harder.

"What am I going to do Kensi? God ... what am I going to do without her?" His words were full of agony and confusion, making him sound like a little lost child. His words turned into choked sobs and she felt his arms tighten around her waist.

"Shhhh ... Marty ... we'll figure it out ... " The words slipped out before she realized what she said and old memories assaulted her already weakened heart. Pushing those thoughts aside before she could, once again, over analyze them to death, Kensi patted him gently on his back. "Just let it all out ... it's okay ... we got you ... let it out ... "

And he did.

Deeks cried until he couldn't cry any more, his friends mourning his loss right there alongside him. They stayed that way until most of their legs were slightly numb from the awkward positions but they stubbornly refused to move.

Several times, other supporters walked up and patted one or more of them on the back ... words were not exchanged or needed. Everyone knew that at the moment, words were of little value and usually sounded cliché or simplistic. The others in the house would occasionally hear a choked sob or a sniffle or two come from the group on the floor, but otherwise, they seemed to be comforting their friend with their warm presence and support.

Slowly, the little group began to relax, giving each other a little room to catch their breaths and even shake out a numb leg or two. A few moments later, the two men on the outside slowly stood, pulling the blonde man and his little wife up with them. All four of them stood around the man and woman still sitting on the floor, locked in a tender embrace, the woman's hands rubbing small circles on the man's back. Eventually they pulled back slightly, their tears beginning to dry on their cheeks.

Deeks lowered his head and rested it on his hands as he looked down at the floor next to Kensi. His head was beginning to pound from the emotional release that his body wasn't used to and it was all beginning to catch up with him. Running his hands through his long hair, he blew out a frustrated sigh and sniffled at the moisture in his nose. A warm hand bumped his and he looked up as she handed him a small Kleenex. Nodding in thanks, he wiped at his nose, then his eyes ... hoping that the watery gates were done for the time being.

"I'm sorry Marty ... I'm so sorry. "

The compassion in her voice that echoed in her words touched his wounded heart and he couldn't help but be grateful that she was actually there.

"Thanks Kensi ... I'm so glad you came."

Now it was her turn to be touched by gentle words.

"We're all here for you and Anna ... although I have no idea what to do ... if I could take it all away, believe me ... I would."

Deeks' Pacific blue eyes slipped up to meet her mismatched brown ones ... and the sadness she saw reflected in them caused her throat to burn even more. "I know you would Kens ... I know you would."

The use of her shortened name didn't go unnoticed by her but she had no intention of thinking about it or trying to say something funny, not now. "Do you need anything? Does Anna?"

He shook his head gently, content to just sit on his floor where he had collapsed. "No ... I'm fine ... I mean ... I'm good ... Anna's finally asleep and some friends are watching over her."

Kensi's heart ached at the thought of the pain the little girl was going through ... and her tears started up again. She lowered her head but jerked it back up when his hand landed on the back of hers.

"You've got to stop crying Kensi ... I never could stand to see you cry."

And there he was ... the same old Deeks that always put aside his own pain and torment to care for those around him. Kensi's heart warmed at the thought that he would do that for her, the woman who had abandoned him all those years ago ... but then she remembered ... this was just Deeks being who he was ... just _Deeks. _When her eyes found his, she saw he was actually trying to give her his trademarked smirk, but it came off strained and it hurt to know he was doing it to try to comfort her.

"Stop worrying about me, I'm here to help you get through this ... not the other way around."

The smirk shifted until it had just a little bit of humor in it. "Since when have we ever done things the way we were supposed to?"

When her mouth curled up into a soft smile, it forced the few remaining tears from her eyes. "I guess we never did, huh?"

Deeks actually chuckled lightly at that, but then lowered his head once more to rest on his hands that were propped on the tops of his knees. He blew out a long breath, squeezing his eyes shut as his thoughts returned to a loss he had no idea how he was going to survive.

"I don't know what to do Kensi ... I ... I feel so lost ... I can't ... "

Reaching up to clasp her hands on each side of his head, Kensi tugged until he looked up at her with fresh tears in his eyes. "Hey, it's okay ... I won't say that I know what you're going through because I don't ... I can't imagine what you're feeling right now." As her words fell on his ears, he slowly leaned forward until his head rested on her wet shoulder once more. "But I do know this ... you are one of the strongest and best men I have ever known in my life ... and you will through this."

"How Kensi? How?"

She really didn't know. The loss he was going through was beyond the scope of her experience and she suddenly felt like her words meant absolutely nothing. There was nothing she could say to ease his pain and worry ... it would all feel inadequate to her if she was in the same situation. She leaned forward and placed a kiss on the top of his head, knowing the road ahead for him would be the hardest thing he had ever faced.

"Just take it one day at a time, okay? One day at a time."

She dropped her hands to his shoulders as he began to softly cry once more.

...

**A/N: The title for this chapter comes from the song "Time of Your Life" by Greenday ... even though it doesn't really fit the mood of the story, it was playing as I wrote it and it just fit.**


	3. One Day at a TIme

**A/N: Hey guys! Just wanted to drop a little note to the 'guest' who left me a great review but I can't respond to in a PM. Yes, it is a little cheesy for a couple to say "I love you" every time they part ... but my wife and I have been doing that to each other for the twenty-four years that we have been married ... and cheesy or not, we're not going to stop. The reason we do this is so that whatever happens when we are apart, the last thing we say to each other is an affirmation of our love. If something tragic happens and we are parted, the last words my wife heard me say to her were words that tell her how I feel about her. Now, this isn't for everyone, others express their affection in various ways, but this is what works for us and it seems to be working pretty well. I wanted Talia and Deeks to be the same way and have something that made their relationship unique. I also don't want this to be a story where Deeks is just getting by, waiting for Kensi to be available. He really loved Talia and his pain and loss is real ... not just something to keep him occupied while for Kensi to come back to him. Thanks for reading and leaving a review!**

**To all of you who have rescinded your death threats and promises of causing bodily harm to me ... thanks, I sleep better at night knowing that you guys aren't plotting against me anymore.**

**And now, the next chapter.**

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**One Day at a Time**

...

Minutes slipped into hours.

Hours slowly turned into days.

Days would eventually turn into weeks and weeks would drag out into months, and Martin Andrew Deeks was slowly learning how to survive.

It could only be called surviving because that was all it basically was. The first few nights had been brutal and he just endured them as best he could. His own attempts at sleep were pointless as he found the bed way too big and far too empty. Even with little Anna nestled in beside him, he just couldn't seem to turn off his thoughts or his pain, so he would get up and clean or wash clothes ... anything to keep his tormented mind occupied.

He barely remembered Talia's memorial service, it was all just one big blur of faces ... faces of family, friends, loved ones. There was a chapel, a small bronze urn that held his wife's remains, some stories from her past, and hard mourning over her lost future. He was surrounded by her family and her father, Guiermo, had taken Marty under his arm and held the younger man as he spilled tears that burned straight from his soul. When the official service was over, the family gathered to take Talia's ashes out to the Pacific which would be her eternal resting place. It was fitting, she had loved the ocean and spending time there with her little family had been her favorite activity. As they say farewell to all of the guests who offered simple words of sympathy and comfort, Deeks and little Anna found themselves near the door at the edge of the Del Campo clan. Standing there with his dead wife's family,his mind was practically numb from emotional exhaustion and he felt as if he was on his last reserve of strength.

And that's exactly where his old teammates found him.

Kensi reached them first and she quickly planted herself just behind him at his right side. She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the top of Anna's head and her hand landed on her old partner's shoulder. Sam come up next and took station right behind his friend and the little girl who was clinging to her dad like her life depended on it. The big SEAL tugged gently on a curly strand of the girl's dark hair until she looked up at him and gave him a weak smile. The rest filed in around the man and his daughter, Michelle beside Callen and Joelle, with Eric, Nell, and Hetty finishing out the little group.

Standing there, surrounded by his old friends, Marty was overwhelmed with their love and support, feeling stronger than he had in days. As the crowd finally thinned and the family was ready to leave to complete the rest of the service in private, saying goodbye to his old team proved harder than he had expected. Sam nearly cracked his spine with a powerful hug and Michelle promised that they would come by later to check on them and drop off even more food. Callen, Joelle, and Hetty said pretty much the same while they shared even more loving embraces. There were still tears in Nell's eyes as she and her husband surrounded the man and his daughter in their arms, the words were lost but it made no difference ... the compassion and love was clear. As the Beales moved away, only Kensi remained ... her hand slipping down her friend's arm to grasp his hand and give it a firm squeeze.

"If you need anything Marty ... I mean anything ... I'll be there."

Her soft words whispered so close to his ear touched him deeply. He felt her arms come up around him and Anna, bringing even more comfort in the darkest day of his life. She kissed him softly on his cheek and then did the same to Anna before speaking softly in her ear. "You were very brave today little one, your mother would be so proud of you." It caught the woman by surprise when the girl reached out with her little arm and tenderly hugged her around the neck. When she stepped out of the embrace, Kensi's mismatched eyes locked on Marty's Pacific blues.

"Thank you Kensi ... I ... I don't know how to thank you guys for all you have done."

Kensi shook her head gently. "Shhhh Marty ... there's no need for that ... no matter what, we're still family ... always have been, always will be."

Knowing that if he tried to speak, it would only trigger more tears and he was getting tired of crying, Deeks nodded in return just as Guiermo touched him on his elbow, indicating it was time to go. "It's time Martin."

"Okay Dad ... we're ready."

No matter how many times Deeks asked Talia's father to call him 'Marty', the senior Del Campo always used his full first name. At the beginning, the older man had been reluctant to support his daughter's relationship with the lanky surfer, but as the years went by, the two men built a strong bond based on mutual respect and trust. It even surprised Deeks when he found himself calling the older man 'Dad' ... a term of endearment that he had previously erased from his vocabulary. With another quick hug from his old partner, Deeks gathered Anna close to his chest and they moved off to join the rest of the Del Campos.

Kensi felt the sting of fresh tears in her eyes as she watched them walk away.

...

It was the second night after his wife's funeral that Anna had awakened in the middle of the night, crying out for her mother. Deeks held her as she cried, until her trembling body finally succumbed to a fitful slumber. He kissed her on her forehead and then staggered out into the hallway before collapsing down the wall to the floor, his own anguish overwhelming him.

The few times he did manage to finally doze off from sheer exhaustion, his dreams only seemed to torment him more. The worst was one where he actually felt the bed dip from his wife's body weight and the air fill with the scent that was just his Talia. His mind tricked him into thinking that the past few days had been the nightmare, that she was still there with him ... but when he rolled over to reach out for her, his hands closed on empty air and he jerked awake screaming out her name.

There were times when he thought he saw her out of the corner of his eye or heard her laugh somewhere in the house ... and he began to think that 'one day at a time' was turning to be more of a challenge than he had thought at first. If he had been alone, he knew for a fact that he wouldn't make it ... but he had Anna and he would be damned before he let his own pain and loneliness drag her down with him.

So, Deeks began to pour all of himself into his daughter. It wasn't all that different than before because he had always absolutely adored her, but now it was a little more intense and, at times, he had to force himself to back-off so he didn't completely smother her with his overprotective nature. They spent as much time together as they could and he was thankful for an understanding boss who had given him as much time as needed before returning to the department.

Before he knew it, the days added up to a few weeks and then they morphed into a couple of months and they began to slowly find their way. Getting back to work had been a challenge but he worked it out so he could always drop Anna off at school in the morning and pick her up on most afternoons. Anna's teachers watched after her like she was their own and on days when daddy had to work late, she always had friends to go home with for a playdate.

But while Anna seemed to start taking small steps to move forward and live again, Deeks only managed to function through his days and take care of his little girl. He was existing but not living ... and soon his friends became concerned. They had given him space so he could hopefully find his equilibrium but the more days that passed, the more he seemed to keep floundering. They hated to push him before he was ready, but they soon felt the time had come for somebody to do something.

Kensi was the first to notice his weight loss and that had immediately sent up a red flag for her. She had developed a habit of dropping by with Eric and Nell when they would stop by to check on their friend on their way home from work. Spending time in Deeks' house gave her a chance to check on him, but also, to get to know Anna a little better. It didn't take long for the woman to be completely enraptured by the charming little girl, who wouldn't take 'no' for an answer when the topic of a tea party came up. So the two of them quickly became friends, Kensi's own experience at losing a parent bridging the age divide and even helping the little one express her own anger about her loss. While Eric and Nell visited with Deeks, Kensi sometimes found herself holding his crying daughter as they huddled among several large stuffed animals in the middle of Anna's room.

On their way home after one of their visits, Nell actually brought up Deeks' loose fitting clothing and pretty soon, all three of them were discussing what they could do to help him. They all had ideas but Kensi hit on one possible solution when she mentioned seeing Deeks' surfboard leaning against the back wall in the laundry room, like it hadn't been used in ages. That set the ball rolling and pretty soon, they were working out how to get him back out on his board. If anything could pull Deeks out of his funk, it would have to do with the beach and the waves he loved so much. Kensi let Eric and Nell take the lead in their little plan, she was a little concerned over any misunderstandings that might arise from a single woman initiating contact with a recently widowed man, even if he was still someone she trusted with her life.

So, Eric called late one Thursday night and practically begged Deeks to go to the beach with him on the next Saturday morning. The excuses about no one to watch Anna were shot down when Nell said that the child could come with them and that she would watch her for him. Each other reason for backing out was gently, but effectively, shot down by the younger couple and Deeks eventually gave in just to make them stop.

When Saturday morning rolled around, Nell suddenly feared that Deeks would find some reason for not going with them. It touched her deeply when they pulled up in front of his house and she saw that not only were the man and his daughter dressed for a morning on the beach, Deeks had his daughter's hand in one of his and his surfboard tucked under his other arm. Whether it was the pleading of his daughter to finally go back to the beach or it was his own determination to finally take a step toward living, the red-haired woman could have cared less ... it was a step and this time, it was in the right direction.

When they arrived at the beach, Deeks had suddenly stopped at the edge of the sand and the look on his face betrayed the conflict that he was trying to hide on the inside. Nell led Anna over to where they would leave their stuff, allowing Eric to wait patiently for his friend to decide what to do. After getting a gentle nod from the taller man, Eric turned a made his way out into the surf, leaving Deeks to wrestle the darkness on his own, just like he needed to. The blonde tech paddled out a short ways before he turned around so he could see the beach. Sitting up on his board, he hoped that he hadn't left his friend too soon.

It seemed like hours as Deeks fought with old memories and hurts, while Nell and Anna played quietly in the sand beside him and his friend waited patiently out beyond the surf, missing several good waves in the process. The salt-air filled his senses and the gulls cried overhead as the waves continued to call out to him. Then he felt a tug at his heart, something unseen almost grabbing a hold of him and pulling him toward the water. Nell saw his first step and was smiling by the time he took his third. Eric couldn't see his friend's steps but he did see the surf board moving and knew something was happening. Little Anna looked up and a small smile formed on her face as her daddy looked almost like he used to.

When his feet finally touched the water, Deeks tried to stop again but the unseen force continued to tug at him. Walking out until the water slapped against his knees, he closed his eyes and let the ocean soothe his wounded heart. He was what you would call a spiritual man and he had no belief in ghosts or spirits ... but he would have sworn on his daughter's life that he heard a familiar voice calling out to him in the noise of the waves. She was beckoning him to move forward ... to live once more. Talia's presence surrounded him and he felt her touch on his skin. With tears in his eyes he took another step and then another ... until the water was at his hips and he could slip onto his board.

Nell watched her friend paddle quickly out to where her husband was waiting patiently for him. When Deeks turned back into a swelling wave, she reached up with her hand and covered the gasp that escaped her mouth. Anna looked out and saw her father push himself up onto his board, his feet finding their usual strength and his body twisting to match the curve of the wave. Eric felt a lump in his throat as his friend cut back and forth across the edge of the wave, making it look as natural as breathing.

The salt water splashed up across his ankles as the wave pushed him faster and faster toward the shore, his hair billowing out around his head as he leaned into the momentum. He could feel the power of the ocean under his feet and the touch of her hand at his back, her scent enveloping him in a tender embrace. By the time the wave exhausted itself against the sand, Deeks had tears running down his cheeks and a huge smile on his face. Just as he prepared to step off his board into the water, the message that his departed wife had sent to him ... the message to 'live' again ... was ringing in his ears and in his heart.

When they saw him pump his arms high in the air just before slipping into the ocean, Nell and Eric thanked all that was holy that their friend had taken a giant step toward a life. Little Anna clapped for her daddy as his smile had made her day at the beach all the brighter.

After they dropped off a very thankful Deeks and a sleeping Anna, Nell quickly called Kensi to update her on the success of their little plan. Nell excitedly told her friend about the weight that seemed to lift off of Deeks with each wave he caught and rode with success, the excitement in his voice as he replayed the day at the beach, and the hearty meal they shared at the little sea food shack on the trip home. By the time the red-head was finished, both women had tears on their cheeks and smiles on their faces ... it had been a good day.

Later that night, as she slipped under her blankets, Kensi felt a heaviness she hadn't realized she was carrying become a little lighter. That night, the tears that stained her pillow were joyful and filled with hope ... hope that Deeks would make it out of the despair that had threatened to overwhelm him. There wasn't anything on this earth that would keep her from keeping her promise to help him ... no matter what he needed. As sleep finally pulled her under, the words she had whispered to him echoed through her head and her heart.

_We're still family ... always have been, always will be._

...

* * *

**A/N: Okay guys, you know what to do. They put that little box at the bottom of the page for a reason ... make the most of it.**

**And to all who are proud Americans like me ... Happy Independence Day!**

**Semper Fi**

**JS**


	4. Land of the Living

**Land of the Living**

Kensi's phone chirped softly in her pocket and she scanned the text "Where r u?" that came from Nell. Tapping out "Armory" quickly on the keys, she dropped her phone on the pad next to a fully disassembled Heckler & Koch G3 assault rifle and got back to scrubbing some stubborn carbon build-up from the weapon's bolt. As she selected a new brass brush from her cleaning kit, her hand brushed over an old t-shirt that was crumpled in the bottom of the plastic box. It was one of those old shirts that was too tattered to wear so you held onto it, using it as a cleaning cloth when you couldn't find anything else. Curiosity got the better of her and when she shook it out so she could read the bold, white letters stenciled across the front of the deep blue shirt, she couldn't help but smile.

**LAPD**

Of course the shirt must have been from some hidden stash in the Mission that seemed to turn up from time to time. There had been other members of the OSP team who had, at one point or another, worked with or for the local police department. So, it hadn't necessarily belonged to her old partner ... but she wasn't in the mood to debate it too much. Over the last few weeks and months, she had seen more of him than she had in the past several years, and she just knew the shirt in her hands was his. For a moment, she was overwhelmed with memories of good times shared with a man that, for some reason, the fates had decided to re-introduce into her life.

There were a lot of confusing thoughts floating around in her head these days. Trying to help Deeks get through his anguish over Talia's death had given Kensi time to spend time around not only him but Anna as well. It still wasn't too long ago that the thought of being around kids gave Kensi the willies. Even when she was married to Jack, when the subject came up, she always found legitimate reasons why it wasn't a good idea. Those reasons usually concerned the uncertain nature of her job and the dangers she faced on a daily basis.

Over the last several months, as she spent more and more time with Marty's daughter, the Kensi Blye who used to be terrified of little kids, had fallen completely in love with little Anna. She knew she was hooked the day the girl had called her "Aunt Kensi" for the first time. Deeks was called over to San Diego for a weekend training seminar and Nell and Eric had volunteered to watch Anna for him. Of course, Nell had called Kensi over for lunch without telling her about their house guest and the little girl had practically tackled her when she walked through the front door. Hours later, after several cases of cops and robbers, practicing Karate, and their own version of America's Next Top Model, the two of them had removed their 'make up' when the little girl had called out to her Aunt Kensi ... and the woman had felt a huge lump form in her throat at the sweet sentiment.

As she was thinking about that day, Kensi's lips curled into a soft smile, something that had been a rare sight over the past several years. It had been so long since there had been anything 'happy' in her life and it really came as no surprise to her that attached to that long forgotten emotion was a certain blonde surfer. The way he had effortlessly accepted her back into his circle of trust completely and utterly humbled her. Sometimes, it was hard to tell that the past years had happened at all. The tattered remains of their long-dead friendship was slowly emerging from the ashes ... ashes that she knew she had caused in a moment of rejection and betrayal. Even some of their old banter sometimes slipped in during the brief moments when their paths crossed.

A smiling Kensi Blye was the sight that greeted Nell Beale as she rounded the corner and found her friend at the weapon's table in the armory. It was such a pleasant surprise, that it caught the red-headed analyst completely off-guard. "Kensi ... you okay?"

Snapping out of her thoughts, Kensi shock her head before answering. "Yeah Nell ... just in a good mood today."

The smaller woman made no comment that Kensi's improved moods coincided with the amount of time she was spending helping a certain former liaison and his young daughter. Nell walked over and hopped up on one of the stools, letting out a heavy sigh as she did. "That's good ... because I have a little favor to ask."

Kensi dropped the t-shirt and folded her arms across her chest, a hard frown forming on her face. "The last time you asked for a favor, I ended up on a blind date with a guy who couldn't stop talking about his commemorative shot glass collection."

"Aww, come on, Leonard was cute."

Kensi nodded slowly. "Yes, he was."

"So, what was the problem?"

"The shot glasses were from every wet t-shirt competition he had ever been to!" Kensi was still reeling from that disaster.

Nell was having a good time messing with her friend ... it was actually Eric's idea to set Kensi up with Leonard, even though Nell had been staunchly against it. She was just glad Kensi left him standing alone in the restaurant's parking lot after he tried an awkward good night kiss, instead of hurting more than just his pride and doing some harm to his nom de plumes.

"He had over three-hundred Nell!" Kensi was in a full-blown rant when she caught the smile that her friend was desperately trying to hide and she knew she'd been had. "I hate you."

"No you don't ... I'm the one who keeps you sane around here."

"By setting me up with complete losers? Gee ... thanks." Kensi let a long sigh. "Besides, you promised, no more setting me up with anyone."

Nell patted her friend's knee gently. "Don't worry, I got the point and this isn't another blind date."

"Whew, that's good news. So, what's this about?"

Nell pulled out her datapad and scrolled to her calendar. "I need your help with a little project."

"Okay ... what type of project?"

The little red-head's finger slid to a particular date, then she held up the phone so Kensi could see it. "There's a certain little girl who turns six in a few weeks and we, along with the Callens and Hannas want to make sure she has a great time."

Kensi felt a familiar tug at her heart when she read the name under the date. "Anna ... it's Anna's birthday?"

"Yep."

For a moment, Kensi thought of that day long ago when she first met little Anna and Talia on the beach, when she saw Deeks again after too many years. "Wow, the little chipmunk is growing up." The two women shared a soft laugh at the nickname that, for some reason or another, just fit the little girl.

Nell sat her phone down and her mood turned serious. "It needs to be special, it's the first one since ... well, since ... "

"Talia died." Kensi's long struggles with the loss of her father still left shadows on her own life and she purposed to help the little girl in any way she could. "It'll be hard on her ... Deeks too."

Nell saw a strange look pass over her friend's face, it was sad but also contemplative. There was something else hidden just below that surface and she was hesitant to put a name on it ... but f she did, she would call it 'hope'. "He's been really busy with all the training lately and I'm afraid planning a party might just overwhelm him."

Kensi remembered hearing about his crazy schedule from Eric and knew her friend was right. "You're right ... what are we going to do?"

Nell almost bounced off her chair in excitement. "Well, you know how Deeks calls her his little princess and how she loves dragons ... " That made Kensi smile and not only on the outside. " ... so I was thinking about a medieval theme ... castles, dragons ... "

Kensi caught on to her friend's excitement. " ... and the boys will be knights and the girls princesses. Well, maybe not the 'frilly dress princesses' ... more the kick-ass kind." The two women nodded together at that; neither of them were the damsel in distress type and, to their great satisfaction, neither was Anna. "She'll absolutely love it."

"Great, now you know how Eric is about bouncy castles ... so we'll need at least one of those." Nell was tapping keys on her pad. "Sam and Michelle will handle the cook-out part ... hamburgers, hotdogs, veggies ... the G. and Joelle are bringing the drinks ... sodas, juices, water ... I thought since you're our resident kick-ass girl, you could help me come up with an idea for the cake ... "

As Nell rattled off her list of who-is-bring-what for the party and the usual cake ideas, Kensi's mind slipped off a little and her friend's voice faded away. This would be a hard day for the Deeks family ... both Anna and Marty. The brunette remembered the way she felt on her first birthday after her dad died ... and Christmas ... and just about any other day that held some sort of importance to her. She hadn't had anyone around for most of those to help her through them, and it had been pretty hard on her. Now, another little girl was about to experience the same things ... but this time, she would be surrounded by people who loved her.

Her mind slipped to thoughts about her old partner, her heart aching at what the day would do to him as well. Kensi couldn't imagine how hard it would be on him to help his little girl through this, all the while, missing the woman who he had called his wife. It surprised her that she felt no jealousy or animosity toward Talia for being what Kensi had once wanted to be. All she felt now was an overwhelming need to do whatever she could to help her friend and his little girl deal with the tragic loss of a mother and spouse.

Something tapped her arm and shook her out of her thoughts. "Hey, Kensi ... you there?"

Kensi suddenly realized that Nell was talking directly to her, a concerned look on her face. "What? Yeah ... you were saying?"

Nell continued to eye her friend. "I was saying that flying monkeys were flying out of Eric's butt up in the ops center but you just kept nodding ... are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry ... my mind just wandered for a bit."

The little pixie took a moment to think it over, but then she asked anyway. "Are you sure Kensi? For the past few weeks, you've been acting like you have something on your mind. Care to share?"

Knowing that her friend was worse than a dog chewing on a bone when it came to trying to find out what was really going on, Kensi decided to just be honest. "You can't tell a soul ... not even Eric."

Nell was almost giddy with excitement. "Ohhh ... it must be good then."

"_Nell_."

"Right, sorry ... it'll be locked in the vault, I promise."

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Kensi glanced around to make sure they were alone, then she spoke low enough that even the hidden microphones would have a hard time picking up what was said. "Maybe I shouldn't get too involved with the party ... I mean, you guys seem to have everything under control ... "

Nell was quick to cut her off. "What? Are you crazy! You have to ... " She paused when she caught the sad look in her friend's eyes. " ... hey, what's going on?"

"You'll think it's silly but maybe it's best if I let you guys handle it."

There was a sadness in the other woman's words that caused Nell to reach out and take one of her hands. "Kensi ... come on girl ... what's going on?"

"I just don't want too ... it's just that ... well ... " Kensi tried to get her words out but they stuck in her throat. Taking a calming breath, she swallowed her anxiety and continued. "I don't want people to get the wrong idea ... about why I'm hanging around Deeks and Anna ... I don't want there to be any gossiping or misunderstandings."

"You're worried about what people will think about a single woman hanging around a single man and his daughter?"

Kensi let her head fall. "You see, I told you that you would think it's silly."

Nell put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Kensi?" When the brunette finally looked up at her, she spoke in a soothing tone. "No one is questioning your motivations, if that's what you're worried about. Everyone knows that you are just being a friend to Deeks right now ... nothing more."

"Thanks ... I mean, even though we aren't anything like we were before ... Marty will always be special to me and I would do anything for him." Kensi felt better getting her concerns out in the open, not realizing she had used his first name. "And I don't want to upset him by being there if it makes him uncomfortable."

"Who ... Deeks?"

"Who else."

Nell punched her friend firmly on the arm. "Are you freaking kidding me?"

"What?!" Kensi was rubbing her arm that actually hurt from the solid punch.

"Kensi, you can be so dense sometimes." For some reason, Nell felt like she was talking to someone much younger. "I know for a fact that Deeks appreciates everything you have done for them."

"And how do you know that?"

A sly grin formed on the younger woman's face. "Because he told me so himself."

Kensi tried to hide the smile that formed on her face, but to her friend sitting right beside her, it was clear as day. "Really? He said that?"

"Yes." Nell patted the other woman's arm gently. "He caught me the other day and told me to tell you thanks for everything that you've done."

"Bullshit!" Kensi clamped her hand over her mouth, surprised at her little outburst.

"Pinkie Swear!" Nell chuckled at her friend's reaction, and she lowered her voice into a more serious tone. "You've helped Anna so much in dealing with her loss ... and it was your idea for us to take him surfing and that was huge Kensi ... HUGE! That was the beginning of him finding his way back to the land of the living ... and that was all you."

A slight blush crept across her cheeks but it was the warmth in her heart that caught her by surprise. The surfing trip had been the turn around point for Deeks, and Kensi took great joy in the fact that it had been her idea. Looking into her friend's eyes, she gave her a firm nod. "Thanks Nell, you're right."

"Of course, I'm always right."

The two of them laughed together for a moment at that. "Except about blind dates."

"They were all you're type."

Kensi felt a pinch in her chest at that statement, her mind flying back to a case where she sat on a bar stool, wearing fake tattoos, a ludicrously short dress, and she could literally feel her partner's warm eyes on her. When he had spoken over the comm system, Kensi was thankful that the lighting around the bar area hid her obvious blush ... and the way she had nervously bit her lower lip.

_Oh, I am SO your type._

It had been so long ago, that it almost felt like part of a dream ... a dream that had, at one time, held the promise of so much more for a certain LAPD detective and his kick-ass partner. Sadly, that was what it had remained ... nothing more than a dream.

"No Nell, none of _them_ were my type."

There was a tenderness in Kensi's voice that had been missing for far too long and she realized too late that Nell picked up on the old reference. The two woman sat still, staring into each other's eyes for a moment or two before it grew a little uncomfortable and they finally had to look away, their thoughts slipping into old hopes and dreams that had been lost in the chaos of unanswered questions and poor communication.

"It's okay Kensi, I get it." Nell patted the back of her friend's hand, a soft smile forming on her face. "Now, let's get to work on this party."

The list grew longer and Kensi soon felt completely out of her element, but this was for Anna and Deeks, so she focused on the task before her. Nell continued to rattle off ideas and instructions but the was something echoing in the back of Kensi's head ... _I am so your type._

She wanted to be there for him ... for little Anna _... _but she was still slightly afraid of what some of the busy bodies in the office might think about her being around a single man. The thought of what they would be saying around the water cooler or the coffee machine made her blood begin to boil.

But then it hit her, like a runaway freight train.

To hell what they think, this is Deeks and his little girl. On the day in question when there would be cake and castles ... the two of them would need all the love and support that their friends could provide, and it would be a cold day in Hell before Kensi Marie Blye let either of them down.

Not a chance.

_..._


	5. A Good Day

**A Good Day**

...

Deeks stepped through the French doors of his kitchen and out onto the deck that spanned almost the entire length of the back of his house. The cool breeze that tickled the back of his neck was typical for that time of year in southern California and he couldn't have wished for a more perfect afternoon for his little girl's sixth birthday party.

The smell of cooking hamburgers and hotdogs wafted over from the right side of the deck where Sam, in his 'Kiss the Cook' hat and apron ensemble, hovered possessively over the grill as Michelle handed him various spices and herbs. The big SEAL had adamantly dictated that since he was the Master Chef, that he and only he, was allowed anywhere near the cooker ... Michelle, of course, the only exception to that rule.

Callen and Joelle were busy setting up the table that would serve as the drink dispensing station. There were gallons of lemonade, in both pink and yellow, along with water, tea, various sodas, and there were even a few orange-peach Sunny D's. The two of them never let themselves become too distracted from watching little Mariah, who, though big enough to hold her own, was still the youngest child at the party.

At the edge of the deck, Daniel Coyle was teetering on a small step-ladder that his wife, Alyssa, was trying to hold steady as he finished tying off the last of the flag streamers. Now that the last line was in place, the back yard took on the look and feel of a jousting field, minus only real horses and knights in shining armor. They were Deeks' oldest and best friends from his career at the LAPD, even naming him as godfather to their twin boys who were currently rambling around the yard with the other kids.

Nell flew around the corner of the deck and shot up the stairs, running right past Deeks who had to quickly step out of her way or risk getting run over. She had two more costumes for the kids and was trying to get them staged on the kitchen table so the little ones could get dressed before entering the 'Realm of Princess Anna' as the backyard had been christened just a few minutes earlier. Deeks noted that even with her haste, she was still the same calm and cool operator she had always been. Her baby bump was just starting to show, and the little Eric growing inside of her was behaving himself for the most part as his mother did her best to keep the organized chaos of the party ... well, organized. The only obstacle for her so far had been her baby's daddy who she had already chased out of the castle shaped bouncing house at least twice since he got it set up. Eric was almost as giddy as the kids at the Medieval theme of the party, but he was still a little miffed that Nell hadn't allowed him to play dress-up as well.

When Nell blew past him, Deeks glanced over and caught the small gaggle of children as they came around the backside of the bouncy castle, chasing a very excited Monty Junior. The poor dog was dressed in a red foam costume that made him look like a big red lizard and not a very intimidating dragon. Anna was in the lead, dressed in her warrior princess outfit, a small foam sword clutched in her hand. Wyatt and River Coyle were right on her heels, dressed in their own knight costumes, with little Mariah close behind, determined to not let the older kids have all the fun. The little band of warriors had spent the last twenty or so minutes either chasing or being chased by the costumed dog, who had quickly caught onto the little game … and each one of them were having the time of their life.

The blonde detective leaned his hip against the deck railing and took a moment to appreciate all that his friends were doing to make this a special day for his Anna. He knew that he never would have been able to pull this all off by himself, his current training schedule playing havoc with his weekends and he kicked himself a little for having to impose on so many of his friends when he needed someone to watch after her while he was out-of-town. But just like they had always done ... they were there for him, and he would be eternally grateful for their love and support.

Just as Nell passed him, her arms loaded with even more party favors, the front doorbell rang, indicating that the other guests were arriving right on time. Deeks watched as Nell tried to decide what she should do, but before she could call out for Eric to get out of the castle ... _again _... and go answer the front door, he pushed himself off the rail and spoke loud enough for her to hear him over the squealing children. "Don't worry Velma ... I'll get it."

"Stay Deeks ... I got it." Mariah Hutson popped up from where she had just finished tying up the last strand of colored balloons. "You're not supposed to be doing anything other than enjoying your little girl's party ... so park it mister."

Knowing it was pointless to argue with his very stubborn assistant, Deeks snapped to mock attention and gave her a formal salute. "Yes ma'am!"

She was grinning at him as she spun around and walked through the doors into the kitchen. Deeks laughed a little on the inside, remembering how Callen's little Mariah thought it was hysterical that she and the older woman shared the same name. They also seemed to share the same streak of stubbornness as well.

He waited until he was alone on the deck, before checking to see if anyone was watching. Finding that everyone seemed to be occupied, he eased over to the table holding an incredibly detailed cake shaped like a large castle ... heck, even the draw bridge worked. Whoever had made the cake obviously knew exactly what they were doing; most of the cakes Deeks made where simple sheet cakes covered in gobs of frosting. Michelle had already caught him once with his finger poised to sample the frosting and he had backed away when she threatened him with the large and very sharp carving knife in her hand. He took another second to glance over his shoulder and since the coast was clear, his index finger eased down to swipe at the delicious looking treat.

Just as he was about finally have a taste, a voice called out from over near the grill. "Don't you touch that cake Martin or I'll cut you!"

He snatched his hand away from the cake so fast, he almost dislocated his shoulder. _Damn ... I wonder if she pulls that sort of stuff on Sam? Of course she does ... it's how she keeps him in-line! _Deeks made a mental note to bring that little topic up the next time he got together with 'the guys', the thought bringing a smile to his handsome face.

At that moment, Anna squealed at something Monty was doing and it only made his smile grow, her laughter sounding just like her mother's and once again, the loss of his wife weighed on his heart. It had been just over nine months since that tragic day and he found that at times, it still staggered him to think that she was gone forever from his life. Recently, he'd discovered that when he thought about Talia, the pain wasn't as fresh or unbearable and he had slowly learned to incorporate her death into the story that was his life. It hadn't been easy at first ... and that was an understatement. There were days when if he hadn't had little Anna to worry about, his mind had taken him to dark places where the only way he thought the pain would end would be if he ended it himself.

Luckily for him, he had his wife's family and his friends to support him through those bad days and they were now nothing more than a distant memory. The people in his life had shown him that even when faced with devastating loss ... life does indeed go on. Anna was starting to thrive again and he was learning how to live his life without his wife by his side. So, as he thought about what the day was all about , instead of the tears that normally plagued him, a sense of peace filled his heart. The feeling of loss and despair that normally haunted him was replaced by one he hadn't expected ... gratitude.

Gratitude that whatever fates existed, they had blessed him with the opportunity to share just a small portion of his life with a woman who had loved him unconditionally and had given him a perfect combination of the two of them in the person of their daughter. He still missed her every single day, but she would always be in his heart and in Anna's smile ... and that gave him the courage to live a life that would make Talia proud of him.

As he descended the stairs, Callen looked up from where he was sitting with Joelle in his lap. He gave his old friend a concerned look, but when their eyes met, the genuine smile on the detective's face caused a wave of relief to pass over the operation's manager. The significance of the day and the impact on the man and his daughter had weighed heavily on all of his friend's hearts, and they had all made a secret pact to pay special attention to him, just in case the day triggered too many painful emotions. The older agent was content to allow the day to continue to play out, confident that if Deeks needed them, they were all right there.

Nodding confidently to his old teammate, Deeks turned away just as Joelle said something funny into her husband's ear, making the serious agent almost blush. The way that woman brought out the softer side of the usually dower Special Agent G. Callen and made him act like a love-sick school boy had been the subject of way too many conversations during one of the boy's game nights.

Deeks stopped near the large bouncing castle that Eric was still tumbling around in, his shouts of joyful exuberance getting louder and louder. He chuckled at how a simple kids playhouse was bringing out the inner child of the analyst, but as he turned back to face the back of the house, he found the one person whose presence he suddenly realized had been missing.

He saw Kensi step out on the deck as a screaming gaggle of kids ran past the bottom of the steps just in front of her, a red dragon that looked and sounded a lot like the original Monty bounding along behind them. She shaded her eyes with her hand and then waved to her friends that were scattered around her. The child-like shouts of none other than Eric Beale drew her attention to the gyrating inflatable castle that Deeks was standing next to and when she saw him, he could see her smile from all the way across the yard. It looked like she was raising her hand to wave at him, but then her smile faltered slightly as a dark-haired man eased up behind her, his hand disappearing behind her back, lower than what was appropriate.

A wave of tension rolled across Deeks' shoulders when he recognized the man standing with Kensi as a fellow detective from the LAPD, one whom he really didn't care for ... especially since he was standing so close to his old partner, with his hand so low on her back.

_You have got to be freaking kidding me! Did they come here together? Could they be dating? _

The tall detective was torn from those thoughts as the man's daughter, Tabatha, scampered past where her father was standing to join the other kids as they played with Monty Jr., the red dragon. Deeks had forgotten that the little girl was in the same class as Anna, and that explained why Detective Michael Kent was at his house on this particular day. Otherwise, the man, who was a notorious womanizer wouldn't be here ... except, maybe for a cold day in Hell.

Deeks looked away just as Kensi turned her head toward Michael, if they _were _in fact, dating ... he was really up for seeing any public displays of affection between the two of them. She was free to see whomever she wanted, even if the guy was a total creep, a fact that Deeks might bring up with her if he got the chance.

But today was about his little Anna, and he was determined to make sure she had a great time. So, suppressing the feelings of loneliness for his lost wife and the touch of confusion over Kensi and her 'date', he pushed himself off the edge of the castle and headed over to where Sam and Michelle were beginning to stack steaming hamburger patties on a serving tray that already held the cooked hotdogs. A wonderful smell assaulted his nose as soon as he was close enough, and his stomach growled loud enough to catch Michelle's attention.

"Well, somebody's hungry."

Deeks nodded in agreement. "When it smells that good ... you just can't help yourself."

Sam placed another patty on the top of the tray in his wife's hands. "Does that mean you're not going to complain about my cooking this time?"

"Sam, when was the last time I complained about your cooking?" Deeks folded his arms across his chest.

The big SEAL stopped loading the tray, his eyes giving the detective a _you-have-got-to-be-joking _glare. "Our house ... last week ... you said the chicken tasted 'fruity'."

"Well, it did."

Sam rolled his eyes. "It was supposed to, you knucklehead ... it was Hawaiian Chicken!"

By now, Deeks' smile had grown until it almost covered his entire face, his enjoyment at teasing his friend evident to everyone ... everyone except for Sam. "You'd think a guy who spends most of his time surfing would know that the pineapple flavor has to be at just the right level to compliment the taste of the chicken ... not strong enough to overpower it ... but just right."

Deeks threw his hands up in mock surrender. "Okay, okay ... didn't mean to upset you ... Chef _Ramsey_."

Sam finally looked up and caught the teasing expression on his friend's face and knew he'd been had ... again. "You were teasing about the chicken."

"Best I ever had."

The big agent turned away, shaking his head. "Be glad there are kids around Shaggy, or I'd have to hurt you."

Michelle slapped her husband across his bicep. "Samuel Marion Hanna ... you will do no such thing."

"But he started it ... " Sam actually _whined _to his wife.

"And I'M finishing it ... this is a kid's birthday party ... no beating up on each other ... especially Marty." Michelle cocked her head to the side, almost daring Sam to make another argument.

Looking over her shoulder, Sam caught a smug Deeks grinning from ear-to-ear, so he emphasized his words by gesturing with the spatula in his hand. "You get a reprieve for today, be glad I'm a nice guy."

"Nice guy my ass ... I'm just glad you're wife's here to keep you in check."

"Deeks ... I swear ... " Sam's grip on the spatula increased.

Michelle raised her hands, her face a stern warning to the both of them. Without her having to say a word, each man dropped his head and muttered a quiet "Yes ma'am", deciding the party would go a lot smoother if she didn't have to hurt either one of them.

Deeks was backing away, when Eric blew a small silver horn from the top of the steps, signaling that the party was about to officially start. The kids came running over and a worn out Monty Jr. found a spot close to the tables, his tongue hanging out to the side as he tried to catch his breath. The adults gathered around the back of the children as Nell stepped up beside her husband so she could lay out the next item on the afternoon's agenda.

Smiling at the excitement evident in the kids and adults, Deeks remained toward the back of the group, standing right beside Sam. As Nell spoke emphatically about presents, cake, ice cream, a jousting tournament, a scavenger hunt ... and all the other activities that were designed to keep sugared up kids occupied for a couple of hours, he watched as little Anna was literally hopping in her boots, a huge smile on her tiny face.

The tall blonde bumped his former teammate's arm with his elbow. "Thanks Sam ... thanks for everything man."

"You got it ... she's having a great time, isn't she?"

Deeks felt an odd tugging at his heart and tried to keep the quiver out of his voice. "Yes, she really is ... but that's not exactly what I meant."

Laying his hand on his friend's shoulder, Sam gave him a gentle squeeze. "I know brother ... I know."

_A little while later ..._

The presents were opened, the ice cream devoured, the cake destroyed, and Sam's grilled creations eaten with great fanfare and the party was slowly drawing to a close. There hadn't been an official end time, but some of the smaller party guests had become a little cranky and their parents knew it was time to head home for a bath and a much needed nap. A few had already left, their little gift bags clutched in tired hands, their stomachs full of great food and their heads full of happy memories filled with laughter, knights, and castles. Even Monty Jr. had retreated to his doggy bed as soon as Eric pulled off the ridiculous dragon costume.

Sam and Michelle were handing out some of the left-over food to the departing families, while Callen and Joelle did the same with the extra drinks. Eric was having another session over in the castle with a few of the remaining kids as his wife took a breather on one of the lounge chairs. She'd been running almost all day and with the drain from the little one growing inside of her and the exertion of putting on such a huge party ... she felt like she needed a little break.

Deeks was sitting in a soft chair over by the edge of the deck, all the busyness of the day finally catching up to him as well. He was watching Alyssa, Daniel, and Mariah as they started the early stages of clean-up. He started to stand to go over and give them a hand, when Alyssa saw him begin to move, she caught his eye and pointed at him, then to his chair ... indicating that he was to remain seated and let them take care of the mess. He nodded in gratitude for what they were doing for him ... for the party, but most of all, for being the kindhearted people they were.

As he eased back into his seat, he felt someone plop down in the one next to him. He didn't need to look over to see who it was, he just knew ... like he always had when she was close to him.

"Hey Kensi ... did they wear you out too?"

The brunette let out a long sigh, her body tired from the afternoon's activities as well. "I would pay good money to have half of the energy those kids have. The little Chipmunk is going to crash and burn after all of this is over."

He nodded in agreement as he watched Anna run around at the other end of the yard. "I didn't think they'd ever get tired of that jousting game Nell had you guys doing ... that was a lot of fun."

"It was ... until the 'bigger kids' got involved ... then it started to hurt." She took of sip from the cup of lemonade in her hand.

Deeks laughed gently at her comment. The game was designed for kids ... foam shields, very soft foam 'lances' ... and they had enjoyed trying to knock each other off of the small platform and into the pit filled with even more foam. It wasn't until the kids had played several rounds that some of the adults had begun to challenge each other ... that's when the fun really began. Deeks was certain Callen would need an ice pack later after the beat down Joelle had given him with her little foam spear. The kids had just pushed each other off the stand, while the adults used the lances as short swords, whacking their opponent over the head until they lost their footing and took a tumble.

Thinking back to his own tumble into the pit at the hands of his old partner, Deeks asked a question that had plagued him almost all afternoon. "So, why did you pick me to spar with?" He was curious as to why she'd picked him over Michael ... if the two of them were dating, it was a good opportunity for them to play together.

Kensi looked over at him, her eyes still as beautiful as ever. "I haven't had the chance to beat on you for quite some time ... was feeling the old itch to cause you some pain."

"Well, you certainly did that ... that last shot was below the belt, by-the-way."

"Ooops ... sue me."

He caught her challenging grin, and it suddenly felt like old times. "Next time, I just might do that."

"Who says that there'll be a next time?"

Deeks pointed to where Anna was having a very serious looking conversation with Nell and he smiled to himself when his daughter reached out and tentatively touched the woman's swollen stomach. Kensi followed his gaze and her smile matched his as they watched the tender moment between the little girl and the older woman. He cleared his throat to remove the lump that had suddenly formed there.

"Because, if that little girl has anything to say about it ... I'll end up buying one of those foam pits and her Aunt Kensi will have to teach my daughter all of her little fighting tricks."

When he called her by Anna's little nickname, it seemed to do something to Kensi and for a moment the brunette just stared straight ahead, her expression revealing nothing about her thoughts. Deeks remained silent, letting whatever it was slowly wash away until the silence grew too much for him and he tried to move the conversation in another direction by breaching the subject that had bothered him since she had arrived at the party.

"So, you and Michael seemed awfully chummy when you got here ... something going on between you two?" It wasn't that he was jealous or anything like that, he was just concerned for his friend ... at least, he thought that's what it was.

Kensi visibly stiffened beside him and he feared that he'd crossed a line he hadn't seen. He was struggling with what to say as an apology when she curtly cut him off. "Nothing's going on_."_

He knew every silent signal she had, he still knew her too well for his own good. Her body language and tone said it was a subject she would rather dismiss, but he wouldn't be Deeks if he still didn't push her a little bit more.

"I was just wondering ... cause he walked in with you and seemed to follow you around everywhere."

The glare she sent his way made him glad she was just out of punching range. "We didn't walk in together and he followed me around like one of those little dogs that you can't seem to get rid of." She shrugged gently, bringing the cup back up to her mouth.

The question left his lips and he wasn't exactly sure why he asked it. "What, you two aren't dating?"

A spray of lemonade shot out of Kensi's mouth, some of the sugary liquid landing on Deeks' legs. She wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand, and the look that was in her eyes told him he had been wise to say out of arm's reach. When she growled at him, her voice was low enough that only he could hear her. "What the Hell kind of a question is that?"

"Well, I just thought that ... uh ... I mean ... never mind ... none of my business anyway."

"Yeah, you're right, it is none of your business ... " Kensi saw the slightly ashamed and hurt look on his face caused by her harsh tone, and she knew that he wasn't trying to mess with her or dig into her personal life. His questions had been out of concern and she forced herself to relax. " ... but ... no, Michael and I are most definitely not dating." She saw his eyes brighten at that and wondered to herself what that was supposed to mean.

Deeks let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding, hoping she wouldn't make a big deal about it. "Sorry Kensi, it's just that the guy's a total douche bag and ... well ... I didn't ... I mean, I don't ... " He paused as the words seemed to fall right out of his brain.

"Don't _what, _Deeks?"

Honesty. That was something the two of them had struggled with through all of their years as partners, then as friends, and then even for the brief moment that they were more. Now, with all the years behind them, he decided that maybe honesty really was the best course of action.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt, Kens ... " Deeks swallowed the knot in his throat and watched as a strange expression crossed her face. " ... the guy goes through women like they're just another notch on his bedpost."

She noted his use of her shortened name, and it hit her hard just how much she had missed hearing it from his lips. Turning her face slightly, in case he saw her reaction, she pulled out one of his old tricks and deflected the thought quickly. "Ewww ... thanks for that mental image."

The shaggy blonde lowered his head. "Yeah, sorry."

She waited until he looked back up at her. "But thank you for watching out for me."

_Even if you don't see me ... I'll be there. _

That phrase whispered through both of their minds but neither had the courage to acknowledge it at that moment, not to themselves and most certainly not to each other. Clearing his throat, Deeks nodded over to where Michael was gathering up Tabatha's belongings. The other man sent him an ugly look that just seemed to scream of anger and jealousy.

"I guess there's a story there, huh?"

"Not really." Kensi acted like she wanted him to drop the subject. She must have forgotten that she was dealing with old Blood-Hound Deeks.

"Awww ... come on, do tell." He leaned forward in his chair and he looked at her expectantly, his eyebrows raised in anticipation. "Please? Pwetty please? Pwetty please with sugar on top?"

She smiled softly at how that even at his age, he could still pull off the cute little boy look without much effort. "Okay ... just stop making those eyes at me."

Deeks straightened his back and shoulders, schooling his features into a much more serious expression. "Pardon me, Ms. Blye ... but could you please relate any information relating to the current situation that involves the afore-mentioned suspect and yourself?" He sounded like he should be sitting behind the table back at the boat shed conducting an interview ... just like he had done at her side for so long.

Kensi laughed out loud at his silly antics, and the lightness it brought back to her heart caught her totally by surprise. She was shaking her head at him when she spoke. "You're a nut, you know that right?"

"100 percent, and proud of it." He stuck his chin up, thumped his chest and posed proudly in his chair. "Now, spill."

She dropped her head back to the back of her seat. "Ugh ... okay, here's what happened. A couple of weeks ago, we caught a case that involved some Marines from the same unit that had O.D.'d after they had just come off of deployment to the Stan. They were given cocaine laced with heroin ... some real potent crap ... and their hearts just couldn't take it. At first, we thought it was simple bad times with bad drugs, but it turned out that they were targeted by a military contractor that was trying to get into the opium business while overseas. They apparently found out what he was up too and tried to shake him down for a part of the proceeds ... he didn't want to share and took them out when they got home."

When she paused, Deeks' voice was concerned when he spoke. "A drug-lord-in-training ... geez."

"Yeah, we got him though, right before he could skip out of the country."

"How many Marines?" He knew what a soft spot she held for that particular branch of the military, combat Marines in particular.

"Six ... four died ... two survived and gave us enough to nail him with." Kensi looked a little sad, but there was a touch of anger in her eyes as well. "They didn't get off Scott-free either ... dishonorable discharge, conspiracy, resisting arrest, assault on a federal agent ... "

"Federal agent ... that wasn't you, was it?"

Kensi smiled sheepishly at her old partner, noting the concern in his words. "He assaulted me ... didn't say he _hurt_ me."

Deeks smile matched hers. "Bad-Ass Blye strikes again."

"You know it." She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and he knew it was her tell that said she was nervous, but he had no idea what she could be nervous about. "Anyway, the drugs used on the Marines was of a local variety and we ended up having to work with the LAPD's drug unit to track down the source ... "

"And Kent is the Detective in Charge of drug operations at the LAPD."

She nodded. "Give that man a cigar. Sam and I met up with Detective Kent to see if they had any dealers in the area that dealt with that particular type of heroin ... and blah blah blah ... he started hitting on me the moment we walked into his office."

"Told you ... he's a douche."

"Couldn't have said it better myself. I let him know I wasn't interested, but he wouldn't quit ... kept looking at my chest when I tried to talk to him, slipped me his card with his personal number on the back ... guy just wouldn't take the hint."

Deeks nodded, knowing a lot of stories of how the detective had barely kept his shield after a few complaints. "That's how he operates ... keeps at it hoping to wear you down, hoping you might just go out with him, even if it's just to get him to finally leave you alone."

"Does that really work? Are there really women who fall for that?" Her voice sounded like she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess it does ... I've seen him make the Got Laid Parade way too many times."

"_Got Laid Parade ... _really Deeks?" She was starting to chuckle.

"It's in the Urban Dictionary, you can look it up."

"Oh, I will." She was laughing hard by now. "But you won't believe what I did with his number."

"I'm almost afraid to ask."

A cunning and scary look crossed her face as she spoke. "We stepped into the little store around the corner so Sam could get a power drink and I snuck into the Men's room and wrote it on the wall, just below ... _For A Good Time Call_ ... "

"You didn't!"

The look of laughter in her eyes told him she did.

Deeks felt his side start to ache as he laughed himself to tears. "That explains all those strange calls he kept getting ... really pissed him off too."

Kensi had to catch her breath before she could speak. "Good ... serves him right."

The two of them sat there, laughing at the joke she had played on the detective, tears on their cheeks at the karma of it all. Kensi nodded to where Detective Kent was looking over at her and Deeks, and she started laughing all over again. When she finally caught her breath, she had to look away, afraid it would start up all over again. "Then I show up for the party and he slips up behind me as Mariah was letting me in the door. If his little girl hadn't been right there, I would have decked him."

"Tabatha was the only reason he's here in the first place ... " Deeks waved at the other man, who seemed stunned that Kensi was still actively avoiding him. " ... and then he complains that we aren't serving beer ... at a kid's birthday party."

"Like you said ... a douche."

"Yeah, but I think he's waiting for you to leave so he can follow you out."

Kensi sighed in frustration. "Dude .. get a clue ... I've done everything but shoot him ... "

Deeks cut his eyes over to hers. "Kens ... "

She kept the serious look on her face longer than was necessary, then she smiled. "Okay ... I'll just cut him instead."

That got them laughing again, and Deeks could honestly say that he hadn't felt this good in ages. A bit of guilt trickled into his heart, triggered by the happiness the day had brought ... happiness that he wasn't able to share with his wife. As his eyes drifted over to where Eric had joined Nell and Anna, his smile faltered a little and Kensi immediately caught it. "Hey, you okay?"

It took him a moment to clear his thoughts so he could answer her. "Yeah ... today was a good day ... I just ... "

She watched as he struggled and reached over to cover one of his hands with hers. "It's okay Deeks ... it's okay." Kensi saw the moisture gather in his eyes until a single tear broke free and rolled down his cheek.

"I ... I ... just miss her _so much_ sometimes ... you know?"

The mood had turned somber so fast that Kensi felt like her head should be spinning, but when he turned his hand over and clasped hers ... she suddenly felt grounded again. "I know Deeks ... but she's here ... "

He felt a tug at his heart and had to press his eyes together, lest any more tears escaped. The day had been a good one ... great even, but there was a part of him that was missing. Even though it was a little easier with each passing day, there were still moments when her loss would crash into him like a tsunami and threaten to overwhelm him. Today was supposed to be a happy one ... filled with joy and excitment, but right now, Deeks felt as if he was adrift at sea, far from the shore.

Then Kensi's words found him.

" ... you may not be able to see her, but she's here."

The familiarity of that phrase wrapped itself around him and for some reason, the burning in his chest lightened slightly at the tender expression. He felt her hand tighten around his and he squeezed back, trying to say without words how very much he appreciated her comfort and friendship.

"Kens ... I ... "

She felt her own tears threaten to fall at his broken voice and the way he seemed to cling to her, like she was his anchor in a terrible storm. "Shhhh ... Marty ... shhhh ... it's okay." Trying to console him, she ran her thumb across the back of his hand, surprised that after all these years, it still felt like the most natural thing in the world. It wasn't awkward or strained, and her earlier fears about what others might say or think faded from her mind. Even when she glanced up and saw Michael Kent looking right at them ... she realized that she could have cared less.

Deeks blinked to clear his eyes and saw the same thing Kensi did and quickly tried to disengage their intertwined hands. Kensi felt him start to pull his hand out of her grasp ... and something prompted her to hold on only tighter. She turned her head to catch the surprised expression on his face that only reassured her that what she was doing was the right thing.

"Marty, you are my friend ... always have been, always will be ... and I will do whatever I can to be as good a friend to you as you always have been to me."

Her statement floored him and for a moment, he was completely speechless. It took a few seconds for his brain to finally get his mouth to work. "Kens, for what you ... all of you ... have done for me and Anna over these past few months, I owe you a debt that I will never ... _ever_ ... be able to repay."

Now it was Kensi's turn to be speechless for a moment or two. When she finally found her voice, she had to swallow the lump in her own throat. "You and Chipmunk don't owe us ... any of us ... anything."

They looked into each other's eyes for few seconds longer before they glanced away, their hands slipping apart after one final squeeze. A calm silence fell on the two of them, and they simply were content to sit back and enjoy the moment for what it was … two friends happy in each other's company.

Sitting quietly, they watched as Anna laughed at something Eric said while Nell simply looked embarrassed. Callen put down the pile of party favors he was carrying and suddenly tackled Joelle into the foam pit, her joyous laughter filling the yard. Michelle leaned up and whispered something in Sam's ear that made him grin and duck his head to kiss her on the cheek. Alyssa was chasing Daniel around the outside of the bouncy castle, waving one of the foam lances over her head like a Valkyrie.

A few of the remaining guests passed by where Kensi and Deeks were sitting, saying their good-byes and commenting on what a great party it had been. Mariah was politely shooing out a couple of stragglers who didn't seem to know the party was drawing to a close and it was time for them to go so the clean-up could begin.

Deeks stood from his chair, shaking the hands of the departing guests, thanking them for coming. He patted a few sleeping kids on the tops of their heads as their parents carried them out, glad that Anna had so many good friends and that they seemed to have a great time.

One of the last people to leave was Michael Kent, and he gave Deeks a rough handshake as he led little Tabatha out of the yard. The dark-haired man gave Kensi a slightly dismissive look, before he tugged his daughter up the steps and across the deck. The two of them let out a sigh of relief that the man hadn't said anything to either of them, but Deeks could tell Kensi had restrained herself from saying anything as he left. It had been too good an afternoon to ruin it by smarting off to a jerk ... he'd only think she was playing hard-to-get anyway.

When it was just him and his close friends left, Deeks put his fingers to his lips and gave a short but sharp whistle. Everyone turned and he motioned them over, waiting until they were all crowded around him before he pulled Anna up into his arms. He cradled her against his chest, pecking her cheek and making her giggle. Looking up at his friends, he smiled warmly at them ... hoping they could see the gratitude in his eyes.

"Guys ... I really need to take a moment and thank you all for what you've done for us today ... " Little Anna squirmed slightly against him as she put her small arms around his neck, tucking her head under his jaw. " ... you guys are the best ... hands down ... and I just wanted to make sure you know that I will never forget this day."

Sam stepped up from his right side and placed one of his big hands on Deeks shoulder, pulling him into a rather affectionate 'bro-hug'. Callen and Joelle stepped in too, followed by Michelle and the rest. Soon, they were all tangled up in a big group-hug in the middle of the back yard.

Deeks lifted his eyes and they immediately fell on the miss-matched orbs of his former partner. She smiled warmly at him from where she was squeezed in-between Nell and Mariah, and he felt the familiar sting of tears. Kensi gave him a reassuring nod, hoping that the strength they had as a group would continue to support him through all of the days and weeks ahead. He and Anna had come so far from the really dark days right after Talia had died, and the brunette was confident that with the love of those huddled around them, the little broken family would continue to heal from their loss.

It was at that very moment, that the sun suddenly poked through the trees at the edge of the yard and the little group was illuminated by the brilliant rays. Deeks looked up and had to close his eyes against the blinding light ... and that's when he felt it. In the embrace of his friends ... his _family_ ... he felt his wife's hand in his hair and her lips on his cheek as she kissed him. The people around him began to murmur among themselves as they slowly pulled apart, but Deeks heard Talia's voice as clear as if she had been standing right beside him.

_I love you Marty ... I'm so proud of you ... I want you to live ... I want you to be happy ... I'll always be with you ..._

In his head and heart, he answered. _"I love you too babe ... I miss you so much ..."_

_I want you to live ... I want you to be happy ... _Her voice was growing softer and harder to hear. _Promise me Marty ... Promise me you'll live ... that you'll find happiness again._

_"Babe ... please ... "_

_Marty ... you have to let me go ... be happy ..._

_"Talia ... "_

Then her voice was gone, almost as quickly as it had come. This time though ... her absence wasn't as nearly as painful as it once had been. Yes, he missed her ... wished that she was right by his side ... wanted her there to watch their little girl grow up ... he wanted to smell her hair once more ... feel her pressed against his side. But as the sun passed behind the tree and the light faded again, he set his heart and mind to the fact that she was gone from this world. His hope that he would see her again in the life to come was strong, but he was stuck here, in this one where she no longer existed. Her words rung in his head ... _live ... be happy ... __and _touched his very soul, he knew that even now, in this life, he could never let her down.

So he gave Anna a warm hug before letting her slip from his arms so she could chase after Eric who had took off toward the bouncy castle. He saw her reach up and catch Kensi's hand as she passed by, tugging the woman along with her. What the little girl said made everyone that heard it laugh along with the brunette and Eric run a little faster.

"Come on Aunt Kensi! Uncle Eric likes to hog the castle but we can take him!"

As everyone moved to finish up their little chores, leaving Deeks standing in the same spot, he jammed his hands into his pockets as the sunlight slowly faded. Though his heart was heavy, there was a peace that he couldn't really understand enveloping every part of him and he just had to smile.

Just as little Anna tugged her into the castle, Kensi glanced over her shoulder toward the little girl's father. He had seemed a little out of it while they were tangled up in the group-hug and she had felt the need to ask him if he was okay. She saw the sunlight dimming on his face, but his soft smile was as bright as it had been when they had first met. He wasn't looking at her, he was staring off toward the sky, so she paused for a moment and just watched him for a few seconds. For all he had been through in the last months, she had never seen him look more at peace than he did at that moment, and her heart was happy for him.

Anna called out to her when she hesitated at the door, snapping the woman back. "Come on Aunt Kensi!"

"Okay Chipmunk ... I'm coming." Kensi stepped onto the squishy floor, Anna's bounces making it hard to gain sure footing. With one more quick look back at Deeks through the door, she felt a little of that peace herself, happy that she had come today and that she was able to be there for him. She was smiling as she started to jump up and down, laughing at the loud giggles coming from the little girl.

Yep, today had definitely been a good day.

...

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...

**A/N: This chapter was harder to write than I thought it would be, but a lot of fun as well. It was a little longer than I had planned but there wasn't a way to break it up with ruining the mood. Hope you liked it and if you're up to it, leave a note on your way out.**

**Only a few chapters left before the 'end' of this story. I know, I know … but I've got too many other projects going on and I need to work on them before they fall apart. Thank you guys so much for the support and the encouragement … I really appreciate all of it.**

**Semper Fi**

**JS**


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